EXCLUSIVE: Punk poet legend John Cooper Clarke tells us about life in an Ideal World..

Interview by Josie Demuth

LB: In an ideal world, you once said that 'if work were any good then the rich would have it', so in an ideal world  would there be not work and would there be rich?

Well in an ideal world everyone would be rich and there would be no need to do any work.  I don't know how you'd   get  that together. You'd have to be a smarter person than I  am but you know that's what a lazy greedy person would say isn't it.  I was idle and greedy and slightly idealistic  when I said that.

LB: So would there be money?

I guess so, yeah, you wouldn't want to go round swapping donkeys for things ..it's a bit cumbersome that, so I suppose there would be money but everyone would have enough of it to get what they wanted.  I mean we're talking ideal. As I say, it's an impossible dream.  A man can dream can't he? Put that in. It's never gonna happen but a man can dream.

LB: Would there be a political system?
No. There would be no need for one.  If it ain't broken why fix it? And what would there be to argue about?

LB: Would anyone be in charge?
Yeah, somebody really smart. That we could all obey with confidence that it was for the best.

Would there be a religious system?
That's a tough question. There are certain spiritual factors in every person that I think should be addressed in some way.  I think it would be good to have let's say, shared beliefs. Shared beliefs are a good idea for avoiding conflict. Yeah shared beliefs that addressed what is spiritual in every person.

Belief in a merciful god is probably a good thing.

Who'd still be alive?

Nobody we know. There'd be more women than men and less people in general.  So you could find a place to park. You could park outside the place you wanted to go. That's another very important thing for an ideal world. Like Kojack. You remember Kojack? He was a detective in New York and wherever he was gonna go, he just parked outside the building and walked in so it got noticed and became a term for parking outside the place where you wanted to go. The term for parking outside where you wanted to go was called "He Kojacked!".  It was a 60s-70s detective series.

Don't you remember Kojack who "loves you baby"?

No, it must be before my time!
His catchphrase "who loves you baby" he was a Greco-American. 

He sounds smoother than James Bond
Oh, he was dead smooth.  Chicks loved him, he had a shaved head. Very handsome looking guy.

He always had a lollypop n his mouth but he'd always take it out n say "who loves you baby!" what ever building he wanted to go in, he'd park his car outside and walk in so that's it he Kojacked. So, in an ideal world everybody would Kojack.

Would there be fashion police and if so, who would they arrest?
Yeah there would be fashion police in fact, fashion crimes would be the only crimes.
The biggest fashion offence would be the wearing of sportswear in   
innappropriate places. 

Would there be clocks?

No those egg timers like the grim reaper has where sand runs from one chamber into another chamber. Them n sun dials but certainly nothing that ticked or chimed so you could ignore the passage of time if you wanted. So there would be time but nothing in your face.  It would be a totally casual world. Totally casual.



Who would be number one in the charts?
Elvis would be number one in the charts at all times.

What would this ideal world be called?
Planet Paradise Baby! LB!

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