"In an ideal world..." by Shazia Mirza

We were delighted when we had the opportunity to call up award winning comedian, New Statesman columnist and BBC 3's "F**k off, I'm a hairy woman' presenter Shazia Mirza to hear about her ideal world... we did giggle..












In an Ideal world, would there be politicians?

Yes, there would be because I think we need people to do what we're too lazy to do and campaign on our behalf and fight for us. Some people are too shy to speak publicly or they can't express their own views and so we need figures of passion and of power. In an ideal world, I wish all politicians could all be like Nelson Mandela but obviously everybody can't be.

Who'd be elected to be the next prime minister?
I would like Madonna to be the next prime minister. She has defied all rules and expectations and she doesn't give a fuck. She's done everything; Wife, superstar, mother... She's sold records. I know people criticise her but she's done a lot of things that people don't dare to, things that many women don't have courage to do. She'd be a laugh as well. We could all go around in leotards and no one would bat an eyelid.

Would there be police?

Not the police as we know today; the liars, the rapists, those who are corrupt, who are misogynistic. There would have to be police but not the ones that we know in this world.  Ones like the policeman in the Vicar of Dibly who rides his bike through the village and says hi to everybody. We'd have police who care for people... but they don't exist anymore, those police who fight crime and love people.

Would there be religion?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        In an ideal world we would all invent our own religion which wouldn't involve different religions fighting each other.  It shouldn't be Sheiks, Muslims, Christians etc every single person should invent their own religion.. Just like everyone has his or her own birthday, everyone would have their own unique religion.

Would women wear burqas?

Women could wear whatever they pleased in their own religion.

While we're on the topic of women, would there be hairier women knocking about?

All women are hairy and in an ideal world we would be like Neanderthals and no one should raise an eyebrow. It would be like breast implants¦ women go out and get themselves bigger breasts but in an ideal world women would go out and get as hairy as possible. Instead of Brazilian waxes, women would go and get plaited pubic hair or an Afro and a bleach. It would be the absolute reverse of what's happening now.

Would there be celebrities? If so, who'd be famous?

No. No I don't think we'd have celebs they're a waste of time. No one is valuable who is celebrity.  I would really like people like Alan Bennett to be a celebrity but of course he'd never want to be one he's talented, he's got a job, he's intelligent so he wouldn't be interested.

Any other preferences in this ideal world?

In an ideal world there'd be true justice in that the rich people get what they deserve and poor get what they deserve. That's not the case in the world as we know it, it's always the poor who suffer. There'd be no David Cameron. If he gets into power I think the rich would get richer and the poor will get poorer. LB!


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